So, there I was staring at my locked doors realizing I had ****ed up..

....but let's start at the beginning, shall we?

Some of you may know that I recently had the full PI swap installed. During the process, one of the exhaust hangers [the rubber part] came up MIA. It was about 11 pm and I decided several 3/8" tie wraps would be sufficient for a few days. Days turned into weeks and into about a month until WHAM!!! BANG!!!! SMASHOLLAMADINGDONG!!! [cue the] SPPAAAARRRRKKKSSSSSSSSSS..... [that's the best text impersonation I have of a muffler falling and dragging on its FACE at 80 mph] Well, that was remedied with a few more tie wraps I happened to have in the car. About a week went by until WHAM!!! BANG!!!! SMASH...you get the idea, happened again. This time, I got a ticket for going 64 mph in a 55 mph zone not paying one bit off attention trying to find a suitable curb to pull up on.

:deeplist: x eleventybillion

SO..... The ****er had fallen again but this time the tie wraps held on for dear life and I simply raised it back "into place". That was last Saturday on the way home from work. This brings me to yesterday



Yep, it happened again. This time, however, I had to look around in the trunk for anything to tie that POS in place to limp home. A BUNGEE CORD!!! YAHTZEE!! Gave el MAC-o one final cinching as I lay in a puddle of water [it rains a lot on the Gulf Coast] and rode off into the sunset. That is, until I happened to pass an Advance Auto parts when SMASHOLLAMADINGDONG happened AAAAHgain... Whipped into the parking lot, found a suitable spot, jacked up the car and went inside for a rubber hanger. Crawled under the steed to finalize this loosing battle when I realized this pos sum ***** is too SHORT!! Shit, **** ME RUNNING.... Now I'm getting frustrated and decide to just unbolt the mother ****er and drive home. Borrowed some hand tool and removed the bastard once and for all. Upon inspecting it, I noted it was nearly worn completely though and you could see the internal baffles. Neat.. In the trunk you go, you asshole piece of shit, put the car back on the ground, tossed the jack in and closed the trunk triumphantly. Things changed as I'm turning to leave because this sick feeling came over me.

So, there I was staring at my locked doors realizing I had ****ed up by locking my keys in the TRUNK.

:snoopfacepalm:
NOW WHAT? Pop-a-lock? Smash a quarter window? Call the wife, nope. They sell SLIM JIMS!!! Not the tasty heart burn laden beef snack but the steal-yo-shit-o-matic from yesteryear. Popped the door lock up and was in the car under 5 seconds. Wow, I'm going to stop keeping anything in this car. So, now the trunk release in the glove box wont open the deck lid. SMFH.. I'm waist deep in my trunk rummaging around for the keys when I finally find them and bang my head on the seat support trying to rip myself out of the trunk. Upon doing so, i knocked the shirt covering my pistol over and the store clerk saw it, he turn and ran inside while yelling 'DAMN YOU WHITE DUDES CRAZY'. He saw me literally on the ground laughing and came back outside very slowly to say, "hey man that aint funny'. He was right, it was absolutely hilarious. After assuring him the gun wouldn't shoot him without my permission, I

After that, I fired this minuscule monster up and let them feel my MERICUH leaving the parking lot. Took side streets due to embarrassment since my car sounded like a dump truck.

Robbed the unicorn of it's Magnapacks and went inside for a well deserved shower as I smelled like dumpster ass and mustard.





[I know, I know... I only used one jack stand]

 

I dub thee twiggy of the polished valvecoverians

 

I'm still trying to teach it that trick, so far he's mastered don't shoot and stay!

 

Well.. Is that all you're going to give us? Not even a link?