Honey trust me I wrote the book on best friend turned relationship. Just because you have a past doesn't mean you have a future. I'm sure everyone has told you how 'perfect' you two are, you're gonna live happily ever after, etc...that doesn't make it true. Honestly, since you are young it makes it extremely unrealistic. I went back and forth with my best friend/bf for 6 years and do you know where I ended up - not with him, I finally got smart. I realized I deserved better, and to always be happy, not just when things were going well. Tuned out when I finally believed I deserved better, something better showed up. It takes some wrongs before you find your right.
There is a girl out there that wouldn't ever want to hurt you, that's the girl you are meant to be with. You just haven't found her yet. Start believing and she'll show up.
Well get ready for a little story time haha because I feel as tho maybe knowing most of the details would maybe help you see where I'm coming from
Very solid advice. Yes everyone told us how perfect we were together, yes everyone told us we were going to get married, and even our families told us that. But I still know her better than anyone else, and I firmly believe that she will be back, and that she will be mine. Yes we're both 21 and young, and yes we both have our whole lives ahead of us, but this is the first time in my life I've ever truly believed in something. I was never much of a believer in the past, about anything, including our relationship together. For some reason I was always afraid I was going to lose her. I always felt like something was going to happen and she was going to leave. It was that God awful gut feeling. Sure enough not two weeks after those feelings really started bothering me she called me in tears and broke the news to me. I'm not sure how much people believe in the Law of Attraction but I didn't learn anything about it until it was too late. If anything her leaving me was a great thing because it has allowed me to become a much better person, both physically and mentally. I firmly believe that all of my fears and doubts attracted the wrong things and is what caused her to leave me. I didn't have the backbone I needed to sustain a proper relationship, and I had far too many doubts to attempt to overcome. I was a mess on the inside with feelings and emotions and no matter how much I tried to hide it, she knows me better than anyone else too so she caught on right away. When she left me she told me it had nothing to do with me that school was overwhelming her and that she couldn't put in the time she needed for a relationship. I believed her because through the years the only one who ever lied was me. I was an asshole to her back when we first became friends/lovers. But I also believe she told me it had nothing to do with me because she truly did not want to hurt me. She always gave a shit about me even when no one else did. She was there for me through my absolute worst times and always had my back. She always had a strong attraction to me that she never had with anyone else. This is why, through my learning process of her leaving me, I firmly believe that she will be back, and that we will in fact grow old together. Part of our problem was her past. She was raped about a year and a half ago, and prior to that had been with an abusive asshole and had an abortion with him. This was after I ended our lover phase with her. I hurt her so bad I thought she'd never forgive me for it. Needless to say her attraction for me inspired her to contact me throughout the year and a half time period where I didn't talk to her. She would randomly text me, send me cute pics, hang out every now and then.. That kind of stuff. All this time I thought she hated me but in fact she didn't. In fact... She made her instagram and snapchats during this time when I didn't even know what either of them were. And you want to know something that still gets me to this very day? Her snapchat and Instagram name are the nickname I gave her back when we first became friends... Amberoni. I nicknamed her Amberoni baloney. She of course dropped the baloney part but kept the Amberoni. It must have really truly meant something to her. She told me when we dated to NEVER stop calling her that, ever. And I swore I wouldn't no matter what. Want to know something else? To this current day those names have not changed on Instagram or snapchat... They are STILL the nickname I gave her, along with her birthday. Which tells me she does still care about me. But right now she just cant act on her feelings for me. And I finally understand that.
As of our current situation? It's going to sound crazy but believe me I'm sure she's hurting more than she would ever admit too. See long before she and I were together she would post pics of her and I up on her facebook and instagram, or just me and tag me in it, and eventually made her facebook profile picture her and I. 3 weeks later she told me she loved me while she was out with her family at the theater seeing The Lion King Live. She plastered us on her facebook and instagram all the time. She was so happy and madly in love and I was too. But once she left for school I started letting my negativity show. And I let it show bad... Anyways as of right now she's in a relationship with a kid who is younger than her and I (I'm 4 months older than her, idk how much younger than her he is), who is butt ****ing ugly, has not job, and has no real motivations in life to do anything but live at home with his mom. BUT the thing is... He shares a lot of the same hobbies and interests as I do, and is in a lot of the same car groups as I.. Coincidence? I think not. She's trying to replace me and our extensive history together, with him. - It will not work. I know this, everyone who looks at the situation knows it, and she knows it too. She's trying to fill the void I left in her with him. But she's back at school as of last week... How long can she keep it up this time I wonder? He's bound to make a mistake. I know I did. But here's the kicker.... He has "in a relationship with (my girl)" on his facebook wall, she does not. She does not post on facebook anymore, whereas with me she always did. Even if it wasn't about me, she still posted song lyrics or status's in general. She has not posted a status update since before they started "dating"..... Now to the real nitty gritty... I don't use instagram. She knows I don't use instagram because she made it for me and I rarely used it. I remember at one point she said something about it so I took a picture of her while we were at her grandparents house and posted it saying "here's my 1% instagram to amberoni" and she thought it was funny as hell... But anyways I checked my profile on my computer the other day because I don't even have the app on my phone anymore and guess what? My profile pic is still of her and I which means she knows damned well I don't use it at all. She removed me on it. So I looked her up. What do I see? A blocked profile with a profile pic of her and him. She was wearing more makeup than I have ever seen her wear. At first I was crushed and devastated. But then I stopped and looked at it from a different angle and ran it by some different people and they all agree. She's hiding this relationship from me to keep from hurting me. She's hiding this relationship because she's feeling guilty about it. Don't believe me? Well here my mom and sister ran into her and her mom at the mall a few weeks ago and her mom turned and said hi to my mom. Why is this significant? Because her mom is a total ***** that hates all of her ex's and won't speak to any of them. I was the first one that she liked, and wanted her daughter to be with. Her father was the same way. But as for my ex? When she saw my mom she quickly turned to make it look like she was looking at a shoe (they were at a shoe store). My mom said you could feel the guilt of hers a mile away. Guilt. She feels guilty about this. She's feeling unsure if what she's doing is right. That's the first major sign that she's in a rebound and doesn't want to lose me forever, which at this point anything is possible, she just may. But there's also another bit of significance about this... She was alone with her mom. When we dated her mom and dad always wanted me to come along, which made life so much easier for my ex and I because she wasn't used to her boyfriend being so welcomed by her family. The fact that he wasn't with them speaks volumes to me. And the fact that she's hiding this relationship to IG also speaks volumes to me.
I know what I'm saying may sound crazy, and maybe it is, but believe me when I say she knows just as well as I do that she and I belong together. She just doesn't want to face those feelings right now. And after my past experiences of doubt and negativity, I truly can't blame her. I just have to remind her of who I am, show her that I am a positive, happy individual (which I am now, finally) and things will be better than they ever were before. Every situation is different, I realize that, but I know where my future lies. And I know how I'm going to get there.
Thanks for hearin me out. And sorry fellow SN95'ers to get all mushy mushy on you haha but I figured this was the right thread to do it in....